What Kind of a Father Is Best?

I was taught religion in Catholic school. From the stories of the Old Testament I learned that God the Father was very strict, someone to be feared and absolutely obeyed. He often seemed to be downright mean to people, like Eve in the Garden of Eden and Job on the dung heap. From the New Testament I learned that Jesus was a loving, if somewhat cryptic, person who was also the same person as God the Father and the Holy Ghost [this was pre-Spirit days, folks]. The concept of two or more people in one was supposed to be hard to grasp, but I never had difficulty with it since some of my favorite heroes operated in the same way. What Don Diego and Clark Kent lacked in panache, they made up in spades as Zorro and Superman.

I grew up with an irrationally strict step father - definitely an Old Testament type guy. When I became a father myself, I wanted to be more of a New Testament type. Problem was, Jesus never had kids, so he was no paternal role model. [If the New Testament is ever re-written, the authors should consider having Jesus get married and raise a couple kids before he ends up on the cross - but then they would have to handle the matter of whether his kids were also God, something which we never had to ponder with the childless Zorro and Superman]. I kind of liked Joseph, but the Bible does not tell us much about his parenting of Jesus, definitely a tough task when your paternity is questioned from the start and your child is actually God.

I think the Prodigal Son story may provide the best biblical guidance for fathers. Hearing that story as a child, I always identified with the good son who was loyal and obedient, and I was troubled that he was not given more reward from his dad. Later, as a young adult who had traveled various roads, I began to see a little more of the prodigal perspective, the need for parental forgiveness and rejoicing on return. Gradually, after I became a father, and with the experience that comes from parenting, I finally was able to identify with the father in the story, understanding that we love all our children equally and accept their individual differences and paths through life, rejoicing with all the family when a child finds a right path to follow.

George Lakoff, a linguistics professor at Berkeley, points out how current American political division is based on two different views of the paternal role of government. Republicans see the government as a strict Old Testament father, reminding us that the world is full of evil and we must be tough and disciplined, like Dad, to stand up to it. We must be competitive and use all available power and resources in our own self-interest, because if everyone pursues self-interest, the self-interest of all will be maximized. Whining, undisciplined, overly dependent children should not be coddled, but should be required to sink or swim on their own. Currently masquerading as President in this Republican vision is George W. Bush, who Arianna Huffington points out in her book "Fanatics and Fools", got the part based on winning the birth lottery rather than on having any valid qualifications.

The Democratic view of government is more like the prodigal father. He tries to rein in the children who would run rough-shod over their siblings and to nurture and encourage those who need more help. He wants his children to learn we are all in this life together and we all do better when we seek cooperation and agreement and are mindful, considerate and loving of each other. In the last two Presidential elections, the Democrats have not been able to cast the right person for this role.

For an interview with Professor Lakoff on this subject, check out: http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2003/10/27_lakoff.shtml