Choices - Part 1

This past week was the first week I failed to post to Sense, which was ironic since it was a week I had more time available to write. I purposely stopped my weekly borrowing of 5 or 6 DVDs from the library, and some people with whom I usually spend some time were away on trips. But I made the choice instead to read [The Omnivore’s Dilemma, highly recommended], run errands, shop and get chores done.

We make choices on how to use our time. As we retire and get older, we have more time without a job to go to but we also realize we have less time left in our lives. An article in the May/June Spirituality & Health magazine [which publishes some good pieces with an Eastern influence], “Can You Say No to Too Many Choices?” , included a quiz [not available on line] to see if you are a maximizer (a person who wants to make perfect choices), or a “satisficer” (one less obsessed with perfect choices). The quiz was scored using the average of 12 answers registered on a 7 point continuum from satisficer to maximizer. My average was right in the middle, but only one quarter of my responses were in the middle one quarter of the range, which shows the danger of oversimplified test scoring.

Do we also make choices on calculating how much time we have? Can we choose whether or not to believe in life after death or reincarnation, or is such a belief based on faith? Believing that when we die nothing follows reduces our calculation of time available, but does that naturally incline us toward maximization?

We do not choose to be born [some reincarnation believers would dispute or qualify this, but I do not believe in reincarnation]. As youngsters, we operate on instinct and parental domination until we reach the age of reason, which is when parents and their delegates (teachers and preachers) know we are becoming capable of making reasoned choices and they start to influence us to make the choices they want us to make.

On this Mother’s Day, at age 65, I just realized I don’t even know if my mother wanted me to be born. After the birth of my brother three years earlier, my parents separated and my Mom’s mom told her to get a divorce. Mom did not follow the advice right away, I was born, the divorce soon followed and my father disappeared from my life before we ever bonded. To my grandmother, I was the “I told you so” child, an extra burden on my mother. The degree to which my birth was planned is actually irrelevant, since what really counts is the role parents choose to play in the lives of their children. My father opted out, but my mother loved me so much that it took me 65 years to even think of the question whether she planned my birth. And Grandma’s love for us all overcame any misgivings Grandma may have had about my birth.

Over the next few days, I expect to write more about my memories of choices made and how they affect Sense.